Businesses in the United States are now requiring employees to test positive for COVID before reporting to work, as catching COVID is now the best way to demonstrate vaccination.
The new self-imposed mandates follow President Biden’s threat to impose them on federal employees at some arbitrary point in the future.
Dr. Anthony Fauci has applauded the businesses for the new approach. “You know, since the vaccine has been so perfect, but ineffectual, this will enable people to take advantage of natural immunity as if it were a sort of booster shot. I think the sooner we all get sick the better because it’ll really bump up that vaccine efficacy.”
“We do still recommend masks, though,” he added.
California governor Gavin Newsom has seized on the new trend and imposed a new requirement that all California residents be forcibly infected by a legion of transients. Millions of jobs are expected to be created as a result of the new program.